this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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