i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
