he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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