I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
