I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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