What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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