his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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