I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
