She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
