dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
wow bdsm is so cute
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
