shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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