Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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