Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
