this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
