If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
