so that wasnt chicken after all
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did you pee in the oven last night??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
