I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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