I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
