Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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