dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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