first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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