I wish I could teleport
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
