I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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