Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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