My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
