We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
