I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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