Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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