Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
