dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize