I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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