based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
