The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
