Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
