"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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