i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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