I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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