but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
