i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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