I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
