I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
