I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
