Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
