He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
