we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sarcasm needs its own font
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
