i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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