It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
