Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
