my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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