Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
