i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
