the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
