she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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