I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
