How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
