So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
