You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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