I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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