Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
