my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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