you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
