So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize