yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
barbara walters just said penis...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
