Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
